Really.. it's because I'm afraid.
No one understands. I was hoping that you do too.. But it seems not..
No one knows that I cry in the middle of the night because of certain things.
Life, is really full of uncertainty, full of it, that I'm really unsure of.
I'm afraid of it myself, let alone, letting people know.
I kept things to myself always because I don't know how to express it.
I don't expect people to know it too. It's my problem, my stupid thoughts, my crazy uncertainty, ain't no one else.
Burden, I have a lot, but let it be on me alone. Because no one should suffer because of me, not even you should.
I learn to keep things to myself always. I try to show my other side in front of others, I don't want to be weak.
I pretend to be strong, because I am easily crumbled, more than anyone. You do not know only.
I pretend to be happy, because I can't find happiness anywhere, I have no faith in it actually.
It's all pretentious, I'm more fake than anyone, I know.
Today's Valentine's Day, but also the first day of chinese new year. Kinda, kinda weird when these 2 days crash together.
Have to go to relative house, and celebrate at the same time. Tiring.
Life, is very tiring. Finished the UT on friday, everyone was happy, but I was not. Had a very sad feeling, leaving school when I dislike school so much. Perhaps to use to being a student already, life is already in adulthood, but I'm not prepared.
Though God already pushed me to my limits of being an adult a few years ago when I was still a student.
My dear love, I know that I'm unreasonable at the same time, but I want to tell you, it's because I'm afraid to lose you.
I know that I control a lot, I'm sorry, I can't let you be a happy girl.
I'm not your brother, who can just let his wife go dance so closely with guys, wear what she wants, whatever.
I'm jealous, I admit, it's because I care. I'm scared.
No one understand this fear, so much. So much that if you leave me, I just want to give up everything in life already.
My life is already in a full darkness, but with you, the one that is shining on me always, I still see some light.
Some light in life, Some light in love, Some light in happiness, Some light in hope.
Without you, there'd be no sun in my life. I know you won't be reading this.
My blog has been "unofficially" pronounced dead by me, when it is not. I just want to update it when things are beyond my expression.
Typing it out to the computer, perhaps is a better choice. At least I'm facing a screen, I don't have to face the cruelty of life. I just want to rant it out.
The video, songs is so not easy to find.. I'm trying my best. It's 3.33am now, an unearthly time, for an unearthly being for me to be awake. I'm just waiting for daybreak, for me to get tired, for my brain to be dead, for me to just rot my life off for now.
I've been not sleeping well for a very, very long time. It's getting very tiring, I want to give up on life, really.
Really.. I just wish someone would understand me more. Understand that I'm easily crumbled, easily fell down, easily to cry. I'm weak, and I should just die off.
Because no one cares too.. no one.. would even bother to ask.. to know..
I'm like an idiot, typing to the computer, wishing someone would come to know, ha, stupid . real stupid.
................................ R.I.P.................................
